


You'll be the ears to my heart

by abaseballbatdoesnthaveapussy



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, My First Fanfic, deaf!Negan, idek what this is, psychologist!Rick, so don't be so hard on me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9658223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abaseballbatdoesnthaveapussy/pseuds/abaseballbatdoesnthaveapussy
Summary: Negan has an accident that will change his life completely.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So hello ao3 world! I started posting this fic on my tumblr (same user as here) and since people liked it, I thought that maybe I should post it in ao3! I hope you guys like it :)

Negan woke up on a hospital bed. He tried to get up, but his whole body hurt like hell.

“Well fuc-…” he began to say, but he couldn’t finish the sentence. He hadn’t heard his own voice. He tried to calm down, but deep inside he knew he was freaking out. Maybe this was just a dream, or maybe he spent too much time sleeping on that fucking hospital bed and his ears didn’t work properly yet.

“Doctor! I need a fucking doctor!” If this was a dream, it was definitely a nightmare. He couldn’t help but feel the anger grow inside of him. He just couldn’t NOT being able to hear anything at all.

A man and two women entered the room and made their way to his bed. They were talking but Negan had no idea of what they were saying.

“I can’t fucking hear anything you fuckers!!!” He yelled, and the three of them backed off and stared at him. They had worried faces, and one of the woman left the room after the man had said something to her. He turned to face Negan, and slowly mouthed some words that Negan tried to understand.

“Do you remember anything of what happened?”

He remembered some lights, wheels noises and an intense ringing that wouldn’t stop and that after that everything went black. Then, it hit him like a baseball bat smashes a motherfucking head.

“Lucille!!!! Where the fuck is my wife?!?” He stared at the doctor, whose face seemed worried. Negan feared the worst.

“I NEED to fucking see her!! I LOVE HER!!!” Negan saw how the man said something like “calm down sir” but he couldn’t be calm. He tried to get up and the man tried to reduce him, so he got a fucking punch in the face.

“LUCILLEEEEEE!!! WHERE IS SHE??? I NEED TO-” he felt something in his arm and the last thing he saw was the woman staring at him with a sad look in her eyes.

 


	2. Cold as ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years later, Simon makes Negan go to the psychologist.

Two years had passed since “the day”, and for Negan life was just a big fucking joke. He couldn’t believe that one little second was the difference between happiness and sadness, between sanity and madness. That one second had changed his life completely. He fucking hated that second, that moment he decided that it was okay to glance towards Lucille and not towards the road.  In that second he saw how Lucille’s face changed into an horror expression just before the truck hit their car.

The driver of the truck had survived, although he spent some months on a wheelchair and had permanent burn scars on half of his face. His name was Dwight. He and Negan had actually became friends, even though Dwight blamed himself for Lucille’s fate. He said that he thought the lights were still green, so it was his fault. That’s what their lawyers said too. But Negan knew that was far away from the truth. It was his fault. He had lost her, and it was his fucking fault. She died at the impact, so at least he knew she hadn’t suffered from the pain. But he would never forgive himself for forcing her to go to the baseball game that day, because if he hadn’t, she would still be alive.

The hearing problem was another issue. Apparently God or whoever the fuck played with people’s life had decided that Lucille’s death wasn’t enough for poor ol’ Negan. Nope, he had to cope with being deaf too. Although the doctors had told him that it was something permanent and that there was no way he would be able to hear again, Negan didn’t believe in that shit. At first, he had hope, thinking that he will wake up the next day hearing the sweet singing of the birds. Bullshit. After three months, he gave up. He will never hear again.

The accident had changed his life on so many levels. He had lost his job as a gym teacher and now worked fixing cars. He now knew the signed language and how to read people’s lips so they wouldn’t notice he was deaf. In fact, most of his clients didn’t know he couldn’t hear a whale fart in front of him, and it was better this way. At first, almost everyone knew about what had happened, and the majority of his so called friends turned their backs on him when they realized that he wouldn’t be up for a night out with the boys because he couldn’t even listen to them while they were trying to decide the pub they were going that night. Simon was the only one that had stayed loyal, and he was very thankful for that. He and Dwight were the only two people he had in his life, and right now, he felt he didn’t need anyone else, specially not after what happened with Sherry.

Sherry had been introduced to Negan by Dwight. He said he knew her from college and that they dated for a time but it didn’t work out, so they remained friends. Negan had thought that she was super hot, and that maybe she was the right person to help him get over Lucille and his deafness. They started dating, and he even thought of the world love, when one day she left, just like that. She said she couldn’t spend the rest of her life with someone that “wasn’t able to get over his fucking dead wife and couldn’t listen to her problems” and she was gone. It made Negan’s cold as ice heart break a little more.

A year had happened since the break-up, and Negan hadn’t been with anybody else. He also hadn’t smiled in that time, except for Lucille’s birthday and their wedding anniversary. He thought that life wasn’t worth the smile. That’s why Simon had brought him here.

Simon was worried about his friend, he couldn’t believe that a man that used to grin all the time now wore a permanent straight face with no sign of emotion. He had to do something about it, because he cared about Negan. So when he heard somebody talking about some new psychologist in the city with a great reputation he decided he would grab Negan’s ass and bring him to this guy’s office.

Rick Grimes’ office, as Negan was reading in the door. He could tell that this was a bad idea. Hd was waiting outside, sitting on a couch, when a young woman came out of the door. She was talking with the person inside, something that Negan understood as “see you next Monday, doctor Grimes”. She looked at him and smiled before she left.

It was his turn now. Well actually, Negan knew it wasn’t because he arrived late so he had to wait for the place to be empty so he would not bother the rest of the clients who followed the strict rules marked by the clock. He took a deep breathe and entered the psycholigist’s office, knowing that there was no way he could bring something good out of the situation. 


	3. May I help you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan finally meets Rick.

Rick had his eyes focused on the screen of his laptop when someone coughed. He looked up and saw a man standing near the door. The man was wearing a black leather jacket, a white t-shirt and a pair of brown trousers. He was well-built and he seemed tough, but Rick knew that the physical appearance didn’t always match the personality. Rick stared at him for a bit, confused because he thought that Maggie was the last client of the day, and eventually he asked:

“May I help you, sir?”

“I don’t know why I fucking came here” the man muttered under his breath, but Rick heard him. Despise his words, he closed the door and took a sit on the chair, just in front of Rick’s desktop.

“Look, I’m just here to please my friend but I know that all of this will be useless so I’m not planning on coming any other day. I should’ve been here earlier but I lost the fucking bus so I had to wait until everybody was gone”

Rick checked his computer.

“Oh so you must be Negan, right?” While he spoke, Rick noticed that Negan stared at his lips. He couldn’t help staring at Negan’s.

“Yep. And you’re Rick Grimes, am I right?”  
Rick nodded and waited for Negan to tell him why did he come to visit him.

“What?” Negan said after a moment of silence.

“You’re supposed to tell me the reason why you came here so I can help you”

“Oh right. Well to sum it up my wife fucking died and it was my fault, I’m fucking deaf and my life is big bag full of shit”

“Wait. Let’s slow it down a bit. First of all, I’m really impressed because I hadn’t notice you were deaf. Were you born like that or..?”

“No” Negan answered “It all happened because of the car accident: my deafness, the death of my wife…”

“Tell me more about the accident. Why did you say that her death was your fault?”   
Usually Rick was intrigued about his clients stories, but he was even more interested in Negan’s because of what happened to Lori.

“Because it fucking was. If I hadn’t made her come with me to that baseball game she wouldn’t have been in the car the moment the accident ocurred, and she’d still be alive”

“Why did you make her come with you?”

Rick saw how Negan’s expression changed for a bit into one of guilt before returning to his usual neutral face. Negan looked at him, and Rick could tell he was having an internal debate trying to decide about telling him or not. Rick looked straight into Negan’s eyes and smiled at him, making him know that he wasn’t goint to judge him no matter what he said next. Negan seemed to be surprised about Rick’s smile and he looked down and with a guilty tone he said:

“I made her come with me because I wanted to spend some time with her. And the reason why I wanted to do that was because I was fucking cheating on her. So yes, she died because of my fault and I deserved it because I’m a fucking asshole”.  
Rick knew what being cheated on felt like. He tried to push away that memory out of his mind. Before he could say anything, Negan spoke:

“You’re the only person I’ve told that. You’re good at this, Ricky. Must be that "you can trust me even tho I’m your psychologist and that means that you’re fucking nuts” smile".

“First of all, going to a psychology doesn’t mean that you’re crazy or insane, in fact I would say is healthy and sharing thoughts and problems with an specialist can help everybody. Second, I thought you were here just to please your friend. When did I become YOUR psychologist?” Rick couldn’t help but smirk while he said that, and he’d swear he saw  Negan’s lips curling up a bit too.

“Oh well I guess that makes this official” Negan wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t have a straight face either. Rick wished he could see Negan smile because he thought that his smile was probably very beautiful, you know, in a heterosexual way.

“I’m sorry I have to say this, but our session has to end for today. I really gotta go home, I was supposed to be arriving there right now and my son would probably freak out if I’m late” Rick saw of Negan’s glimpse of a smile dissapeared at the mention of his son.

“It’s all on me, I’m sorry I came late. Wouldn’t want to make the Grimes lady wait for you too much”.

Rick smiled sadly at the memory of Lori and decided to change the subject of the converstion.

“Anyway, I usually give my clients the number of the office so they can call to book our next session, but due to the circumstances I’ll give you my personal number so you can text me to see when we will be seeing each other again”  
Negan wrote down Rick’s number on his phone and then proceded to walk towards the door.

“Well it was a pleasure to meet you, Ricky”

“Me too, Negan”

The man came out of the room and closed the door and Rick started packing his stuff and things when his phone vibrated on his pocket. It was Negan. Rick read the 2 messages he had sent him:

“So I just went to that psychologist and the dude was a such a fucking prick. A little prick named Rick.”

“Oops sorry wrong number xx”

Rick giggled while he stared at the screen of his phone.


End file.
